I am wondering if anyone here has experience navigating ENM after infidelity in previous monogamous relationships?

I (40s M) have been trying to do this for the last 2 years. It has been incredibly difficult.

I’m currently in therapy with a great psychologist and I’m hoping that this year and early next year I will break ground on healing, betrayal trauma.

I’m conflicted inside, as I want ENM and I want my partner to be happy. My nervous system on the other hand cannot intellectualize what is going on and anytime things feel threatening my nervous system takes over.

I am trying to do this in small steps.

I know one couple (well, I only know her) who successfully does that. She dated someone for years before she told him & figured out he had already also found someone. But in their case, it must have been some unspoken DADT, with both knowing their intimacy is dead (although they work great living together) and kind of expecting something might be going on...

Doing that right now, in fact. You can absolutely do it, if you both recommit to one another and do all the work that comes with it. It has been really painful at times. I won't sugar coat it. In our particular case, it revolves around my wife's later in life emergence of her Queer identity.

One of the things that helped me most actually came from a story here (was it you @GalaGirl ) "When a deep need is going unmet, the ethics are going to suffer." That's my approximation of what was shared in more eloquent terms.

Happy to answer specific questions, if there are any!