Hi and welcome. I am glad you came here for advice, because this deepening relationship with your friend could be great, or it could go tragically sideways.

Have the three of you talked about where this is going much, or are you just engaging in various forms of sexual activities, "going with the flow," and keeping your fingers crossed everyone will stay happy?

So, you don't want to go poly now, or you didn't, but now you do? That's the first thing to figure out, in general.

Maybe you are open to casual sex with said friend, and with other swingers, but don't want romance, just an FWB at most. But it happens often that swingers fall in love with their sex partners, and that tends to upset the apple cart, so this eventuality should be openly discussed, with your wife and with this friend.

I prefer nicknames to avoid confusion, so I am going to call the wife Rachel, and the friend Monica. You can change them, of course.

But now maybe you want to renegotiate the agreement. So, do that.

Right now, this sounds like a "one-vagina policy" between you and Rachel, where she is allowed to have sex with women, since she is bisexual, but since you are straight (right?), you just get the one woman, your wife. You may watch only. Does this feel fulfilling to you?

So Monica has joined you as a swinger/friend/sex partner with Rachel. That's a big step.

That showed restraint. But now perhaps you want more. So say so.

In swinging and polyamory (as it should be in monogamy) the first rule is clear, open and honest communication. It can't work otherwise.

You need to ask Rachel if she would mind you touching Monica, maybe starting with foreplay-type stuff. But you have to talk about it. And you must find out if Monica would want to be touched by you.

The joking needs to stop and clear communication needs to start.

The bond is deepening. Monica is becoming more and more important to the two of you, and vice versa.

That's one way to go. But some/many poly people take the bull by the horns, and learn to deal with and overcome jealousy by... you guessed it, talking about it.

Does she find you attractive? Or is she really not that into men, and so doesn't want to go there?

Yes, it is potentially an "organic triad," if the women are on board with taking it up a notch. It's not a "unicorn" situation, because you and Rachel didn't go out "hunting;" it's just happening as the friendship develops into something more.

Aha, so she is hot for you.

Doing little nice things for her, non-sexually, you mean? Like a budding romance?

Well, of course, if Monica found a serious partner, she could continue to be your friend. She probably wouldn't be around as much, but some poly people might engage in a V or triad (or friendship, if it goes back to that) with two people, and be dating someone else as well, who isn't necessarily engaging in any way with the other two. That hypothetical person would need to be a swinger, or polyamorous, or poly-friendly, however.

You could show Rachel and Monica this thread, for a conversation starter.