Dear Pastor,

Thank you for publishing the many letters that I have read in your section of the newspaper.

You have been a great inspiration to your readers. I am a young man seeking your help. I have a girlfriend who is 23; I am 25. We are in college. She studies full-time and I am part-time. I try to help her financially, but she is never satisfied. She has one child who is not my own. The child is living with her grandmother and the father is not supporting her. I try to give her money to send for the child, but it is too much of a burden on me.

I told my people about her and those who have met her love her. But they are not aware that she has a child. Sometimes when we want to have our time together, I find a place for us to go, but these days that has become costly. We cannot do anything where she is boarding, so, as a man, I have to find a place that is convenient. I have never spent a night with her and that bothers me. All my money is spent on this girl, but she is ungrateful.

Her father lives in America and sometimes he sends her money. She has never given me anything out of what he sends her. She has never bought me even a handkerchief. Do you think that this is a good girl?

I met another girl recently and she is working. She is a Christian and she invited me to her church, but I have not gone because I really love my present girlfriend and I do not want to have two women in my life. I would like this girl that I am with to show me some appreciation for everything that I am doing for her and to stop pressuring me. Do you think that I should leave her and go with the other girl?

B.

Dear B.,

Don’t give up on this girl. You mean a whole lot to her. You have been assisting her financially although you are attending college.

Very soon, she will graduate and perhaps be in a position to assist you. When she tells you that she needs something, do not see it as if she is harassing you. Remember, the needs of a woman are greater than a man. So I repeat, do your best to assist her. She has not offered you gifts, but don’t allow that to bother you. Let her use her money to support her child.

On the other hand, common sense should tell her that you would appreciate a little gift from her once in a while. It does not have to be expensive, but it would show appreciation. I want to ask you this question. You say that your relatives don’t know that she has a child, why are you hiding that from them and when will you tell them? Are you ashamed that you are in love with someone who has a child? I hope not. Do you mean that not even your parents know? You should tell them.

I know you are a grown man and that this woman and you may feel the need to have sex, and that is also costing you. I know that the place you are talking about is commonly called a motel. Be careful where you go and how you spend your money, and be careful not to engage in unprotected sex. Remember to continue to treat this woman well. She needs your help.

Concerning this other young woman you met, don’t bother to go that way at all. This girl needs you more, and if you love her, stay with her. That is how I see it.

Pastor