By Shelley F. Knight

Grief cannot be defined in one simple sentence, because grief is not simple. It is a vast and complex topic, with equally vast and complex presentations in terms of signs and symptoms, longevity and intensity. And grief is not exclusively triggered by death. Grief can ensue when we lose anything we had an emotional connection to, including good health. In the case of tinnitus, our sense of diminished health can lead to a grieving process, and because the signs and symptoms of tinnitus are akin to grief symptoms, we are often subjected to a compounded experience of grief when it accompanies tinnitus.

The onset of tinnitus and its grief entanglements can affect us physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially. We may experience dizziness, depression, loneliness, frustrated, anxious, and depressed about what once was, our current reality, and our uncertain future.

Our grief journey may go unnoticed by those around us, just as our invisible tinnitus does. Although it may be easy for some to dismiss tinnitus because it’s not tangible, the weight we carry in our daily lives with the condition can feel overwhelming and isolating.

On the rare occasions we find the courage to share our feelings on the burden of chronic tinnitus, people are typically unprepared to deal with our diagnosis or our associated grief, and they may downplay or dismiss our daily struggles or compare them to their own struggles. We are told that we will need to either get over it or get on with it, or we’re provided with a plethora of suggestions that we have already tried and tested without success. This lack of understanding within our circle of connections can lead to feeling misunderstood, which only consolidates the grief within us.

Some of us will choose to isolate ourselves and embrace sheer determination to carry on with
our diminished sense of health, while others may fall deeper into the darkness of depression and feeling overwhelmed, some even contemplating suicide to put an end to the never-ending noise.

Yet, when we are isolated from our circle of support, be it consciously or subconsciously, we are still able to reach out to others and seek help during times of dire need and frustration.

In addition, many of us are facing change in or loss of a job, income, social interaction, access to medical appointments, freedom of travel. Some of us have experienced a supreme loss: the death of friends and family members. All of these are life-changing factors, and all of this while we endeavor to function with tinnitus, where we are alone with our ongoing buzzing, ringing, whooshing, humming, hissing, or whatever sound we might hear, without the distraction of our daily routine.

What I have observed is that no matter what life throws at us, we are stronger than we realize. While you may be reading my words from a place of great despair, please know that you are more capable than you know. If you find yourself in grief, because of tinnitus or loss of normalcy, know that you will come through this.

As with any grief experience, we are not stagnant, and as reliably as the night turns into day, you have the strength to come through the dark and into the light. Your grief journey is as unique to you as your fingerprints, so how you overcome these challenging times will be based on your life experiences — you have a 100 percent success rate to date.

Do not aim to change your health and existence in one day; instead, choose one aspect of your life to change: self-care. Self-care is not selfish care. It is a deliberate act to look after your physical, emotional, and mental health before anything else. For today, take time for you, be it to read a book, have a bath, journal your thoughts, listen to a guided meditation, claim a day of rest, cook yourself a wholesome meal. For today, nothing else matters but you.