Have you ever received the “I think you’re a really great person but…” text? Or the “I could see myself in a relationship with you, but I met someone else” paragraph? I have, and honestly, I’m so over it. 

This New Year’s Day, I made a resolution to be actively single all year long. Taking this new direction means no dating apps, flirting or accepting/giving phone numbers. The goal to be single all year long is simple, but I’m doing it for one major reason — to be committed to myself. 

For the past few years, I’ve been on dating apps, given my number to men I found intriguing and gone on a few dates. It’s fun, don’t get me wrong, but it also drains my energy. Most of the time, those dates went nowhere because I was the one putting in the most effort. In the end, I would just be disappointed that nothing worked out. 

So I asked myself, why would I give my precious energy and time to people who want nothing to do with me?

It’s not just energy-consuming, but it’s also kind of embarrassing. I might just be influenced by the surge of swag gaps and the Vogue opinion article, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” But the underlying reason behind these trends is something I resonate with deeply. 

It comes up when I’m talking to a guy I like and realize he will definitely forget me in a week. Or even when I mention a crush to a friend and think there are more interesting things to talk about. It’s the realization that in this era of dating, everything is temporary. 

The funny thing is, I actually love romance. It’s my favorite thing to read, watch and hear about. Love is what makes the world go round. It’s beautiful, but in this day and age, romance is dead. It’s no longer about the natural chemistry, yearning and human connection I read about. Today, we are overcome with prolonged talking stages, situationships and dating apps over real-life bonds. This has tainted my perception of love, which I now keep at a distance, at least for the time being. 

That’s not to say I’m giving up on the idea of love entirely. To get to know someone so honestly and truthfully is one of life’s most special gifts. I want to believe that romance will persevere. I want to believe that someday love will be waiting for me too. For now, though, I want to get to know myself better. If I pour out all of my vibrant energy onto others, I also deserve to feel it flowing within me.

If you’re tired of the failed talking stages or love interests who send mixed signals, maybe you need some time off, too. There is so much more to life than wondering when you’ll get that text back or what those mixed signals mean. 

Choosing yourself is an important skill to have, and trust me when I say, being single is fun. I love going on solo dates, getting myself a latte and spending time with friends and family. I’ve made the joke to my friends that I’m my own girlfriend now, and I’ve been loving it. 

In the words of the icon RuPaul, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”