I (24m) have been married for 3 years now and together for a total of 8 years. We just decided to try poly about a month ago and my wife just last week expressed romantic interest towards one of their really close friends whom expressed the same feelings. They had their first date a couple of days ago and it went really well for them.

I, however, have been struggling greatly with the transition to poly. We were both super excited about it and I had been asking about it for about a year. Even talking with poly people and reading into it as much as we could to prepare ourselves, I am struggling a lot.

Tonight, I finally realized that the relationship we once had is gone and this is a new chapter for us. I'm aware now that the only way to move on from the loss of what I at one point held very dearly to me I must accept that I am not the only person for them anymore. I am no longer the most important person in the world to them and there are other people that they will love, cherish, explore, and connect in ways that only we used to. It is extremelydifficult to come to terms with but the only way I will be able to move on and be happy is to accept these things as reality. I still love them just as much but I'm not their one and only anymore

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

I can empathize. My marriage sort of organically turned into polyamory about 5-6 months ago. I'm still grieving the loss of what we once had, and have had a lot of new insecurities pop up within that time.

It's difficult to detangle from enmeshment and unlearn monogamy. Your body will still experience primal panic even if you logically are comfortable and accepting of the polyamory transition. It's okay to sit with those feelings but don't give them power over you. Remember to communicate with your spouse, and give yourself grace.

I can empathize. My marriage sort of organically turned into polyamory about 5-6 months ago. I'm still grieving the loss of what we once had, and have had a lot of new insecurities pop up within that time.

It's difficult to detangle from enmeshment and unlearn monogamy. Your body will still experience primal panic even if you logically are comfortable and accepting of the polyamory transition. It's okay to sit with those feelings but don't give them power over you. Remember to communicate with your spouse, and give yourself grace.

Thank you for the advice. I will keep this in mind.

It was just rambling. Advice is welcome but it was just a "blog post" to get my life out there since the area I live in I can't talk about this stuff.